I am myself...nothing like you, anyhow...

Yeah..So it happened again. no, won't let it bring me down. never again.
Why? why does it happen? why does it matter? Why the HELL do I care? Why the hell would I let that worthless self-conscious peice of crap look at me in the eye and tell me that it just want to be left alone with string of excuses? Why do I keep going back again and again? Why do I keep asking again and again?

Yes..cuz LIKE HELL i care! Like Hell, i have a heart! Like hell I feel! God help me for feeling, responding, asking being curious.

Fuck 'em all! I swear.
No more importance...why should I? just make me feel like a fool! just make me feel like a begger! Like hell I can survive without them! so far I have...in future I will too!

They don't need to understand, I do. I can survive without them. I can live without them in my life trying to mess me up. they are confused, restriced...why should I be? I am nothing like them.

It's like I will try to have somthing which I can't have. but that's how humans are. We try to get something which is un-accessible; atleast those who can feel and want. Yeah, so what? I am no exception. but the thing is...I am! I don't feel like you. I don't restrict like you. I do sweat in desire like you don't. I don't lie like the way you do. I don't blame me for half the things in my life.

I am myself...nothing like you, anyhow...

Looks ain't everything..

I think Tom Welling has the best smile but the worst dance moves.

Marriage..

The next thing I do not like beside the fact that I am 23 year old girl now, is the fact that I am a 23 year old ‘Indian’ girl. At my age, we are always asked to present ourselves in the nicest possible ways. Prepare a song so then you can sing when the occasion arises. Prepare a dance so then you can do it when in a family function. Don’t wear this, don’t wear that. Sit like this, sit like that. After the meal is over, rush out to pick up everyone’s plate even if you are not done eating. Why is that dress cut-sleeves? Why is that skirt over your knees? Why do you wear shorts to the beach? Why do you have so many guy friends? Who just called?

I mean etiquettes are one thing, but suffocating the air out of your lungs for taking a deep breath is another! I am not saying that I resist this idea of protecting women. But then why are we faced with so many restrictions and so many questions? I mean, why?

Well, It shouldn’t be a surprise, someone’s grandma liked the fact that I was dressed in a sari in one of the functions. The fact that I was doing my MS in SE and my height were definitely constituted as plus points. Not to mentions the ‘sight in sari’ I presented.

She approached my family and the talks continued. After my entire family was interviewed and I was not even consulted (which just don’t make sense…) the lady of the other house(my supposedly future-mother-in-law) announced the most amazing idea: The ‘bahu’ should become house-wife after the wedding. So, basically my quarter-century-led-life worth of education held no meaning to this profound family!

*Gets up and applaud*

I am interested in modeling, traveling the world, learning about new religion, and many things I dun even wanna mention here, but when I talk about them to anyone here...I get the same reply ‘ do it after you get married’ . I mean, why is it that everything begins and ends at marriage? Why that husband’s concent on everything is required? Be it from the length of clothes you wear to the places you visit? Why is that I am beginning to feel like either I should get married to the first guy my family would bring to me or my permanent elopement? My ‘janamkundali’ has been the talks of evening discussions of almost everyone in the family now…The auspicious periods of time have been calculated when I have a ‘shaadi ka yog’for the next three years..(trust me, I have plenty…by the various ‘jyotshis’). The ‘pandits’ are also picking up chits of paper scribbled ‘love marriage’ or ‘arrange marriage’.

I think, I just can’t wait for my wedding day!